Friday, December 2, 2011

Thankful


Ever since I started working with and loving the wonderful communnity of 5Loaves at Willow Chicago, I have opted to stay in the city for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, making time for traditions with my homeless brothers and sisters. Many great memories were made in the Roscoe house these past four years withThanksgiving Dinners and Christmas Open-houses. Over and over, I have found that being a family and a support system is a much better way to approach homelessness, and to offer the kind of normal experiences that the rest of the world is doing on those days that they may be missing out otherwise. In doing so, we have not only created family for those without, but we have been over and above blessed.







(Here are a few that we grabbed for a picture this year!)











This year I felt conflicted with also feeling that being in the neighborhood would be an important activity for the day! Luckily, our 5Loaves family was able to participate in a free Thanksgiving meal that Tapas Valencia puts on every year, which was a great treat for everyone and left time for me to go back and be a part of things going on in the house. I was excited to have my cousin Erin with me for the second year, and we were lucky that her brother Jesse flew in from NYC to join us as well!


Jesse, Erin and I arrived back at the house to find the downstairs family Thanksgiving in full swing! Several car loads of cousins had arrived the night before, bringing back home some dear ones that we hadn't seen since the summer.


Several of the girls slept in our spare room the night before, and the kids all came up to do hand turkeys while they waited for the food. We truly felt like one big building family!


The days after things quieted down, giving us time for some of our favorite activities.
Life is full, and we are thankful to God for His many blessings!

and then, God...

Smiled :)



Impromptu babysitting for the ever growing and cutest
baby, Nevaeh!














Watching Elf and making snowflakes!
















Learning Dutch Blitz!















Learning about who our block was named after!



















Dinner potlucks and community time!

Thursday, September 29, 2011



The football field you see in this clip is the one that I see every morning when I come out of my house, and when I come home at night. The team that this young man was a part of was the team I see practicing every day. The halls of the school are the halls that my neighbors walk down each afternoon.

Why did this make me cry when I watched it, while for others its just another sad news story about the West Side? Because it is familiar. That school, that field, that neighborhood. It is not something on the news - it is something in my life.

I read a quote once that said something to the effect of this: "I ask God to break my heart daily, because if my heart is not broken, I cannot be moved to action." This embodies much of why I have chosen to do what I have done. How can we be moved to action if our hearts are not broken? And how can our hearts be broken if we run from brokenness becoming familiar?

On September 10, our 15 year old neighbor boy downstairs was jumped by 7 kids in the back alley while taking out the trash. He had to have stitches and root canals on two teeth that were knocked around. We sat together in our living room - my roommates, his mom, sister, and her new born baby girl. As his mom was venting and crying, he walked in - dazed, lips swollen from the stitches and the beating. All of the sudden, I felt a sense of the Holy. I felt that something was happening here - something rare and beautiful. Something where race and money and differences had been left at the door and where we were nothing but neighbors sitting together, leaning on each other in our confusion, struggling with the sadness and helplessness of the situation.

It also happened to be my 29th birthday.

A week later we threw a going away party for the boy, since his mother had decided that she had no choice but to send him to live with his uncle. (This was the 3rd time these same kids had jumped him, despite her talking to the cops and the teachers at Marshall High School about it) I fried 5 trays of chicken (after having dreams about it the night before - its no small task, being a vegetarian and all) while my roommate decorated the house and made a card with his little sisters. The 3 floors of neighbors gathered together to eat, laugh, and celebrate the love that existed within all of the sadness. At one point during the dinner, the mom turned to me and said "We have no family here-no family. But now we do. Now we have family here. Now we have family here."

So are we going to let brokenness be familiar? Because there is beauty there, too.

and then, god...

was present.




Sunday, September 11, 2011

Guns and Roses

3:30 am. Shouting. Shooting.

Repeat

Pink Tutu. New life. Celebration.

Repeat

Do we call the cops? Do we not?

Repeat

New faces, new names, new neighbors, new stories

Repeat

Intervene? Stand and watch? Say something? Say nothing?

Repeat

Babies staring, children welcoming, bored men staring, mothers cursing

Repeat

Hold your breath. Close your eyes. Say a prayer. Share a life.

Repeat

Cry a river! Shake a fist. Share a shoulder. Hold on to faith. Somehow.

Repeat

Ponder Justice. Give up power. Share some hope. Give a flower.

Repeat

Fight for Love.

Fight for Love.

Fight for Love.

Fight WITH Love.

And then God...

please?

Saturday, August 13, 2011

A new kind of Normal


No, I did not drop off the face of the earth. I was not killed and no, I didn't abandon blogging for good.

Yes, I have returned. Yes, I have felt amazingly overwhelmed with this incredible experience and how to express it. Yes, I have felt the burden of the lives that I have come to love, how to tell their stories and share some of their experiences in a respectful yet honest way.


It has now been 6 weeks since me and my 3 roommates moved in to East Garfield Park. Six wonderful weeks, full of beautiful moments and beautiful challenges.


We have fallen head-over-heels in love with our building. There is a family of 4 kids with their mom and mom's boyfriend that live on the 3rd floor, we are on the second, and a family of 4 that live with their mom and mom's uncle on the bottom floor, in addition to countless cousins, friends and whoever else always in and out.



The first week was full of non-stop activity, with people in and out of the house constantly. Funny enough, both of the moms upstairs and downstairs had birthdays the same week. We made cookies as a surprise for Minisha (downstairs), and then the kids came over two days later and made cards and surprise cake for the other (Tina). It was midnight when they were finally done with the grand project, and right before bed I heard them upstairs yelling "surprise!" as their mom came back from the store. Eugene told my roommate the next day that they really enjoyed making the cards, and that their mom had cried at the little surprise.


Downstairs, Sierra is 9 months pregnant (due any day!!) and we have had so much fun getting ready for the baby with her, including helping with a baby shower and finding lots of cute little things to welcome Neveah into the world (Yes, she is 16, and loves telling people it is "heaven spelled backward"). With her mom having to work early every morning, we have also been helping take her two little sisters to school so that she can stay home and rest.




We are starting to have some fun traditions with the kids. Books before saying goodnight, sharing our happy and sad moments of the day, and healthy snacks whenever they want them.







We have been so grateful to partner with Love Without Agenda for food donations from several places around the city. It has created some fantastic opportunities for working together on solving food shortage problems on our block. Tina, the single mom upstairs, had experienced 3 deaths one week and was able to bring a box of food to the friend who had lost her boyfriend to a shooting. What a blessing!




Eugene and Jonathan from upstairs were super-troopers in helping getting all of the donations in! And, as you can see, are quite the little ladies men :) We love them like our own little brothers!






We are so blessed to have been so welcomed by the people in our building, and slowly, the people on the rest of the block. The block now has faces and names, and it is no longer about "that" neighborhood-or that everyone from the outside tells us it's "so dangerous there" or that they would "never go west of western". It is now only about it being OUR neighborhood, full of OUR people that we dearly love.


Of course, there have been challenges,but I have felt like God is truly turning these into good. The first day that the first of us 4 roommate moved in, our door was kicked in. Yasmin, the 15 year old that lives upstairs right away asked my roommate if we were still going to move in. Lauren told her that it takes more than than to scare us away! In that ONE experience, I feel like our trust level with the building grew. We weren't just some "white girls" that were going to run away scared when one bad thing happened.


The second break in was by some kids from another block, but involved some of the kids we had befriended from our block as well. Nothing but a wii was taken, and when our little friend was pulled aside to be asked about it, he looked terrified, like he was going to get yelled at or hit. Hillary and Lauren calmly told him that they weren't accusing him, but that they cared more about the truth than the wii and that they believed that he has a bright future and the ability to make good choices. Two huge tears welled up from his eyes and trickled down his checks. They hugged him as he cried and told him over and over how much he was loved. So powerful.


A few days later, a friend's car window was broken out - all for a basketball that some girls from the next block over wanted to play with. When we found it that night, we gathered around the car and held hands and said a prayer of love and blessing toward the girls that did it. We pulled in a little boy who had been accused of breaking a window out the week before from a car the next block over, as well as a young teen who had watched the girls break the window. I just felt God's presence as we prayed love over the whole situation. That night, gunshots rang out right in front of our building, and while no one was hurt, we were all reminded, again, that everyone has a choice - to choose good, or choose evil.


In Deuteronomy, God begs his people to "Choose Life-that you might live the life I have mapped out for you!". In John, Jesus continues this urging by promising to "Give Life, and Life to the full." I have felt this same urging as I see all that people are struggling with around me. Kids playing pretend jail and shooting (i suggested they play school instead), eight-year olds talking about getting drunk, fist fights breaking out during tag and on and on. I have had this overwhelming desire within myself to grab people and look them in the eye, and beg them: "Choose life! Choose Life, that you might live it abundantly."

and then, God...


taught me that the fullest life isn't about safety and prosperity, but that it is about choosing HIM.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Unpacking (boxes and stories) - by Hillary

SATURDAY, JULY 9, 2011

(by Hillary, from her blog "Beauty from Ashes" She is one of my amazing roommies!)

I can't stop smiling & laughing. (Good way to recover from the 10 mile run I did this morning as training for the Chicago Marathon w/ Team World Vision)
The boys upstairs are so lovable and want to be with us all the time. Today their mom Tina came down & chatted with us for a bit, that was so nice. I am really excited for the stories that are being shared as our lives are becoming intertwined, looking forward to our soul food party tomorrow night. This afternoon we let the boys play for a bit now that we knew Tina was comfortable with it. Then Gayle & I had to ask them to leave so we could unpack & organize. DeShaun went upstairs then down the backstairs & sat outside my window while I was unpacking. He kept saying 'I see you. Are you in there?'
Learning about boundaries, especially w/ DeShaun (the youngest boy who lives upstairs & is autistic) It will take time but Tina is so sweet & happy to share ideas with us. Thinking we will make a sign for the front & back doors, one side w/ a green circle & the other w/ a red circle. Go & stop.

We have a billy the bass fish that he LOVES! So every time he knocks on the door and comes in he goes straight for the fish to sing along to 'Dont worry, be happy' So precious!





I am really beginning to adore the three boys from upstairs- Johnathan, Eugene, & DeShaun. Eugene left this little message on the fridge the other day after helping me unpack our kitchen boxes.





Its amazing how much this feels like home already only after four days.
My sweet reading chair in the living room where I'll be spending time chatting, emailing, reading, & praying.




Hannah moves in tomorrow & Lauren gets back from a work trip- then we will all four officially be here to begin the journey.
Soul Food dinner Sunday night in the backyard to celebrate.

Thanks for reading whats on my mind. Come visit.
Peace be with you

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The apple never falls too far from the tree :)

Couple live their faith by building community in Southeast Portland's Lents neighborhood

Published: Thursday, July 07, 2011, 5:00 PM Updated: Thursday, July 07, 2011, 5:03 PM
brock dittus.JPG

Members of Springwater, a small home-based church in Southeast Portland, host regular free events open to everyone in their Lents neighborhood as a way to build community and spread God's love. At a recent bike repair program, Brock Dittus fixed a bike for 9-year-old Chloe Morton and her sister, Taylor.


Many Oregonians talk about wanting to live a certain way, about buying local, driving less and leaving the world a better place than they found it.

More of us could stand to put our principles into practice the way Rusty and Mary Lou Bonham are.

A decade ago, they lived on the prairie. Rusty Bonham, lanky with the patient voice and bookish look of a college professor, ministered at a large Mennonite church in Newton, Kan. Though they helped people and watched families grow up and out, both felt a certain emptiness.

"So much of my experience in church is a lot of conversations," said Mary Lou Bonham, a family therapist who grew up in Paraguay, where her parents ran a home for the treatment of people with leprosy. "At this stage of life, it felt like I needed to be living my convictions rather than talking about them."

When their youngest of three children left home, they decided to try something different. They signed up for a Mennonite Voluntary Service Adventure, a Peace Corps-like program. After that, they looked for another opportunity to help. They had this crazy dream, after living on nine acres in a place where you can see a thunderstorm coming from 20 miles away, of moving into a city and establishing a different kind of church.

"We wanted to work on urban poverty, but our approach was sort of naive," Rusty Bonham said. "It was, 'Let's go where the police are afraid to go.'"

He laughs now about how melodramatic that sounds. But there aren't many spots like that in Portland. There are, however, places that don't get the care and attention they need.

They needed other believers. They put out feelers on several Mennonite and home church websites and hosted waffle parties for people interested in hearing more. The pitch: Come start a church with us. We'll buy a bunch of houses, move in and see if we can make a difference. They asked potential members for a 10-year commitment, and to pledge to live simply and perform a certain amount of volunteer work.

After looking at Census figures, crime statistics and school data, they decided on Southeast Portland's Lents neighborhood near Kelly Elementary School.

adele dittus.JPG
Adele Dittus and a few others from the primarily Mennonite community helped plant shrubs and native plants along the Springwater Corridor Trail this spring.


Members of the fledgling congregation, called Springwater because of its location near the Springwater Trail, bought three houses and rented another within an easy walk of each other. About 20 people moved in during summer and fall 2008.

Their first night, Mary Lou left the keys in her car. Someone stole it. Such began a hard first year. Some people weren't prepared for intimacy required to live this way, for the intensity and frequency of their spiritual debates or simply having others within the church -- virtual strangers in the beginning -- hold them accountable for not biking often enough or not buying local.

"Part of living in a community is learning to deal with people you don't necessarily agree with all the time," said Alison Hilkiah, who along with her husband was the first Springwater community member to move in. "Some of our monthly meetings were really tense. We had differences of opinion on everything. We didn't know each other well. We had all taken this big leap together without really knowing in a lot of cases what living communally actually means."

"Living in a community brings out the worst in a person. That's why we prefer it," Bonham said. "Our issues bubble to the surface, and that is where they can be dealt with."

The challenges were internal, not external. Neighbors welcomed them, even if some felt a shade skeptical.

"My husband and I are not religious people, so at first when someone over there told us who they were and what they were doing, we were like, 'That is bizarre. Are they a cult?' said Dana LaBoy-Gardner. "We were concerned they'd try to push their religion on us. But that has never happened. And after we got to know them, we realized they're just really good people who want to be good neighbors. They're the best neighbors anyone could ask for."

In their first three years, Springwater has hosted potlucks, bike repair workshops, block parties, gardening classes and "wacky water day" at a neighborhood park.

"They rented out the Mount Scott Community Center pool so we could all go swimming," LaBoy-Gardner said. "They went door to door and offered to build sand boxes for anyone with children in the house. They're always looking for some way to help make things a little bit nicer."

Springwater members gather in one home every Sunday for a potluck and worship. The crowd runs younger, under 40, and the dress tends toward blue jeans and baseball caps. A few people play guitars as children toddle underfoot and bang on tambourines. Most worshipers don't need the red plastic binders that serve as hymnals. As day turns to night, the adults take communion, talk about what it means to be a Christian and tell each other about any "God sightings." It's a lovely, quiet service that feels as close to a big family supper as traditional church service.

"For all the time and money we put into community development, it's basically how to be friendly," said Brandon Rhodes, a 27-year-old Springwater member working toward his doctorate in ministry at George Fox University. "It's a slow, steady process that means being in a place for a long time and being willing to get as much out of a place as you put in."

Because they're in this for the long haul, it's early to judge success. Neighbors say they've noticed a drop in obvious drug users roaming their streets but aren't sure how much credit to give Springwater.

"They're making a positive difference, for sure," said Mic Marusek, who lives nearby. "For example: I wouldn't know nearly as many people in the neighborhood as I do now that they're here. That's the kind of thing that can sound small but can make a big impact in how you feel about where you live."

Rusty Bonham would like the congregation to become more intergenerational. Though there are two babies and several small children, he and Mary Lou are, in their mid-50s, the oldest. Springwater is holding steady at about 15 members, though Sunday dinners can attract another dozen.

"My dream come true would be that we'd need to divide into cells because we don't all fit in one living room," Bonham said.

But numbers aren't how you gauge success for something like this. When he talks Springwater, Bonham quotes an Amish saying: "A guy gets asked, 'Are you right with Jesus?' His answer: 'Ask my neighbor. He'll tell you whether or not I'm right with Jesus.'"

"Success would be we become more loving people," Bonham said. "It's about changing ourselves as much as anything else."

Earlier this summer, Springwater hosted a free bike repair outside Kelly school. A photographer showed up and asked whether everyone there was from the church.

At first, Bonham said, "Yes." Then he looked around. He saw Springwater members fixing bikes alongside Kelly teachers and neighbors who'd volunteered tools or expertise. He saw parents who had never attended a potluck or a Sunday service but had taken care of a Springwater member's dog or helped in one of their gardens.

"It was a big moment for me, one of those, 'Something is happening here,' moments," Bonham said. "Everybody wasn't part of the church, but we were all part of the same community."

-- Anna Griffin

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

What makes you so special?

Thursday was the start of 4 different move-in days for us 4 roommates. Lauren brought her first load of stuff in, and when she returned with the second load, our door was already kicked in. Apparently, some guys from another block got in the building because they were trying to jump the 15 year old neighbor boy downstairs. Luckily, nothing was stolen, and the boys ran off as soon as the mom downstairs saw what was happening.

It reminded me of the story Wayne Gordon tells, after moving into the inner-city. After several break-ins, he asked God: "Why are you letting this happen to us?!" God's response was unmistakably clear: "What makes you so special?"

Just because we chose to be there, should we be protected from what our neighbors go through? Just because we are Christians? Just because we are "good people"? What about the Christians in that neighborhood who have put up with this for years? What about the good people who have lived there forever and have bad stuff happen to them. In the Bible, Jesus reminds us that God shines the sun on everyone, and the rain falls on both.

When Lauren came back, Yasmin, the 15 year old from upstairs, immediately asked if we were still going to move in. Lauren told her that it takes much more than that to scare us away! By this happening, we received a wonderful opportunity to show our new friends that we are not going to be here one day and gone the next. That night, the two girls from downstairs came up and hung out with Lauren and Hillary for a long time. Sierra is 16 and pregnant, and excited about us helping out with her baby shower. She told Hillary that they are pretty new here, too, but are probably going to stay for awhile. Are we going to as well? She asked. Hillary said that we were planning on it, to which Sierra replied "Good".

The night after Johanna got mugged, I woke up in a panic after having a dream about being lost in the dark and running and running and not being able to get to safety. God immediately brought Isaiah 26:3 to my mind: "He will keep in perfect peace, her who's mind is steadfast, for she trusts in Him." God promises peace - but our job is to keep our mind steadfast. We think that trust is from God proving some sort of physical good, like being protected, or staying safe - but our trust is in God because HE is good, and HE is in control. It is a deeper surrender than the promise of things going well, our lives being safe, our houses being un-broken-into. But the world is a broken place, and it is into the world that we have been called. So we pray for God's will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven instead of prayers for safety, and we keep our minds steadfast on God.

A few months ago, the manager of a liquor store only 2 stores down from our church office was shot while working one evening. He was a wonderful, kind man named Eddie that all of my homeless guys just loved. (www.myfoxchicago.com/dpp/news/crime/person-reportedly-shot-loop-chicago-20110506) I was the only white person at the funeral, which was held at a large funeral home on the south side. The thing that struck me most about the service was the way that people spoke and preached. You could tell that they had been through this more times than one. Their words of comfort did not promise that bad wouldn't happen again, but assured that through the brokenness, God was good, and God was in control.

The unique timing of our break in reminded me of the time my parent's car was stolen. It was the first morning in their new house in their new neighborhood that they had come into as an intentional community. They woke up to find out that not only had their car been stolen, but the trailer attached to it had been randomly dumped down the block and around the corner at the very house that needed to use it that day. Dad said that they learned that they could either choose to let it bother them, or choose to see that they could find other ways to function without it- which they did. A week later, the police found the car, abandoned, yet still working fine. The interesting thing was that "Sorry" had been carved into the drivers-side window.

and then, God...

answered my question. What makes me so special? Nothing, and everything!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

And it begins!

When Gayle and I started thinking about moving, I found a place on craigslist that we thought we'd look into.
Turns out that everything about it was perfect. Everything that we had thought about wanting or needing, was there. A little church two doors away, two schools on the corner, neighbors above and below that were very welcoming with kids who loved us. Landlords who seemed very present.
A month later, when they couldn't get anyone to rent for June 1, they told us it could be ours July 1.
I was humbled at God's obvious provision. It was the only one that we looked at! I have been very intentional to be praying for HIS will to be done and HIS kingdom come, and to try to not ask for many of the things that MY human mind wanted. I feel that this was just another way that God was showing His GREAT love to us, and also showing us that maybe our will had been aligned with HIS will.
What a confirmation. Tomorrow, Friday, Tuesday and finally me on Sunday - all four of us slowly move in.
Here are some pics. We look forward to welcoming you to our new place!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I Am

Recently, our church staff saw this together at a local theater. I was touched and moved to watch someone from the secular world bring about such truth. I encourage all of you to see it!



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Monday, May 30, 2011

A Chicago take on Matthew 23:27

Oh Chicago, Chicago

You who segregate your neighborhoods and warehouse your poor

How I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings

and you were not willing.



and then, God...

wept.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

What is your name?

A few months ago, I got a call from my friend Johanna's office phone. "My purse was stolen - call me." Naturally, I called her back right away. Someone picked up who clearly wasn't her and whose voice I didn't recogniz,e asking me who I was. "Who is THIS?" I asked. "Who is this? I asked you first!" the voice said. I racked my brain...who could be in the office that sounds like this? All the sudden I realized...Johanna's office phone always forwards to her cell..this was the guy that had stolen the purse! My heart raced and my mind sped up. What do I say?? I thought. "Are you talking on a phone that is not yours?" I asked. "It's mine now - I found it!" he said. "You didn't find it - you took it from my friend, and she is really worried about getting it back!" "Well, what is she going to give me for it?" The voice said. I lightheartedly said "You can't sell something that is not yours!" "Well, why don't you meet me and give me some money for it!" I just laughed and said "Now come on! Didn't you hear me? You can't sell something that is not yours! I have a friend who owns a liquor store downtown - can you come leave it here? I will tell you how to get there. You take the green line to Adams and La..." click. No he didn't just hang up on me! I rang and rang and rang until the voice picked up again. "Don't you know that it is rude to hang up on someone who is talking to you!?" I scolded. "You were taking too long!" the voice complained (not the first time I have heard this, mind you!) "Well, I wasn't done. I was telling you how to get to the liquor store to drop off my friend's stuff. Like I said, just take the green line..." then a mumbling...and some other voices and...click. Again - there was no way I was letting him go this easy! I rang and rang and didn't get an answer...so I rang her cell number directly and... "hello?" the voice answered! "I thought I told you before that it is rude to hang up on people who are talking to you!"I, again, scolded. "I thought you heard me say hold on a minute!" the voice said, sounding apologetic. "Ok, but you should have let me finish!" So he did, and actually agreed to return it. Our interaction had brought me to feelings of pity and almost endearment toward him, this nameless voice on the phone. "What is your name?" I gently asked. "Tease" was the only reply that I got. Laughing, I said "Well, Ok "tease", thank you for agreeing to return the stuff."

When I finally got a chance to talk to Johanna, I found out that it wasn't just two kids playing around, it was two guys with a gun, two guys who had been pretty agressive with her. I realized that "Tease" really was teasing...and there was no way that the stuff would be returned.

The interaction was an important one for me, however. Here was a person who went from villan to person, from "voice" to having a name...even if he didn't give me his real one. The mugging happened in broad daylight, right around the area I'm looking to move in only 2 short months. It was a reminder that though broken people do broken things, they have names, they have faces...they have hearts that are broken and in need of God's love.

My dad sent the following email to Johanna only days later:

this is why we go there
this is the darkness
people live there
people don't want to live in darkness but they are trapped
do we leave them to die alone?
no, we go there, to be with them. this is the gospel. this is exactly what God did for us in the darkness- He came to BE with us, and it cost him his life.
like in the reformation, by becoming baptized we are marked men and women- a price on our heads. it is paul, gaining consciousness and marching back into lystra. we are baptized into a "take up your cross and follow me" faith. following jesus meant probably getting killed.
did you read shane where he was asked, "aren't you afraid, living in the inner city?" He replied, "I'm more afraid of the suburbs." where christians can live peaceable lives, unhindered, unchallenged- little risk, and growing comfortable with denying the pain of the world around us.
ask hannah about what julius said, when a girl from the youth group was freaking out as we walked by the crack house. she sensed that she was no longer in her safe existence and he comforted her with these words (a 15 year old black boy from the hood who knew what it all boils down to- the root of all security and insecurity-) "Don't worry- they can only kill your body."

i am so proud of you for who you are and what you stand for and pray that this experience will just grow your compassion for the troubled souls out there who are so desperate. pray daily for the guy who took your stuff. he does not realize that God directed his path to a child of God... God's greatest hope for him is that he would have what you have- pray daily for him.

mostly we don't fear because we have not experienced the horror
it's really not faith, but probabilities
when our car was stolen, we would either learn to be paranoid about locking the car
or learn that we could live fine without a car. we learned that something we feared a little happened to us and we still did fine. and in response to satan, i don't just not curse, not fear, but i do praise. i figure the best way to get back at satan is to respond to anything sent my way that is designed to topple me- i'll just respond with praise.

don't feel bad if you have some ptsd... or need some time to regain your nerve. but just don't refuse to get back on the horse, and for now, surround yourself with people who love you and hold you up and understand why you are working/volunteering there in the first place.

and here is a good theme song for a time like this:
steve camp
living dangerously in the hands of god
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbmsq1soVio

love you
rusty and mary lou

i hope you learn not to be afraid

and then, God...

broke my heart for what breaks His

Monday, January 10, 2011

clothe yourself with humility

I had dinner with friends last night who raised some good questions about my move. Actually, so many good questions that by then end of our time together it was just a big mess of doubt about the wisdom of it all. This is not the first time that I had come across this scepticsm, but because I love and hold their opinion in very high regard I became discouraged thinking about the impossibility of the task at hand.

Did I realize that my whole life would change? They asked. Did I realize that I would never fit in by the simple fact that I had a job and would be going in and out of the neighborhood each day? I did. Did I realize that I would have to forsake most friendships and time out of the neighborhood, and even then, would have to wait years before forming significant friendships? I had. Did I realize that my job at the salon would not last, because of the simple fact about how I dressed there, not fitting with how people dressed in the neighborhood, or perhaps even making me a target?

As I was warming up the car to go home, very much overwhelmed, I heard a small whisper.

Clothe yourself with humility...

I had to smile. Colossians 3:12 says:
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

I can try to dress like them, talk like them, dye my hair back brown instead of barbie-blond, but in the end, that is not what will win them over.

and then, God...

reminded me that I am His chosen, and I am holy and dearly loved.






Ain't my kind of God

Taken from "Reaching up for Manhood" by Goeffrey Canada. (This book and "Fist Stick Knife Gun" were two that I recenty read and couldn't put down)

"Okay. You really want to know what I think? All right, you serious so I'll be serious. If there was a God would he let things be done like this? Look at this shit, man. People killing one another, kids selling drugs, mothers leaving their babies to get high. Look how people living - like roaches. Garbage everwhere. And why God pick on us? I didn't do anything to God. Why he make my life so miserable? Naw, man, ain't no God. Any God would let people without nothing always get fucked over, while those with money don't give a fuck, aint my kind of God. If there is a God he is on the side of rich people. Rich people invented that God thing so they can keep fucking over the poor and poor people won't fight for a piece of the pie. That's what I think." (Reaching up for Manhood, page 94.)

Well, it's not my kind of God, either. John 1 by the message said that "The Word became Flesh and Blood and moved into the neighborhood." Then, it became a Spirit who dwelled in us and...we stayed away from the neighborhood.

Why?

and then, God...

prompted me to ask myself...

If not me, then who? If not now, then when?