January I start volunteering in my new neighborhood on a regular basis as well as the month to start looking for places to rent. In a surprise move, a house became available that seemed cheap and reasonably fixable.
Now the next crisis isn't what neighborhood but the question- buy? not buy? In walking to it the first day I was surrounded by several men who seemed to think my name was either "snow white" or "sexy" as I was refered to as both. When the first one approached me, he asked if I wanted to buy some really good weed. I just laughted and said no, and kept walking.
Two things struck me here. First, sadness. The only time a white woman walks down this street is when she is looking for good weed? We blast the "ghettos" for being full of drugs, but who is really keeping that business alive? Them, or the people who drive in from their "nice safe neighborhoods" to buy it and leave again?
The second, was how the same situation was being viewed two different ways. I am called snow white and feel danger, while the young man might have just been curious about why I was there in the first place. I am called sexy and inform the man that "I don't talk to people who call me that" and he informes ME that it was a compliment. Oh. So what I take as threatening, he takes as giving a compliment.
and then, God...showed me I have SO much to learn.
When processing the event, and finding out that the block has the highest crime in the whole neighborhood, I had to come to terms with my frustration over my own fear. My prayer up to this point had been to not be afraid. But then I was reminded that Jesus was so fearful that he sweat BLOOD. But courage trumped fear, and the greater purpose trumped courage. For courage alone would lead you to fight, but courage that leads to a greater prupose leads to peace and a calm resolve to walk through the cup God has set before you.
and then, God...showed me to pray for courage, greater purpose, and not a lack of fear.
