Courage is not the absence of fear...

December was a month of celebration! God did some amazing things to show me that the doors were indeed closing in my current place and that it was out with the old, in with the new! What new, you may ask? No clue! But I celebrated the decision to move to East Garfield Park next year. It is so like God to clearly close doors while not showing you the open ones. I believe that God does this because he knows how human we are, and how easily we take control and forget all about Him! By not knowing the future, we cling in an even greater way to Him and the unknown plans yet to be unveiled before us!.

January I start volunteering in my new neighborhood on a regular basis as well as the month to start looking for places to rent. In a surprise move, a house became available that seemed cheap and reasonably fixable.

Now the next crisis isn't what neighborhood but the question- buy? not buy? In walking to it the first day I was surrounded by several men who seemed to think my name was either "snow white" or "sexy" as I was refered to as both. When the first one approached me, he asked if I wanted to buy some really good weed. I just laughted and said no, and kept walking.

Two things struck me here. First, sadness. The only time a white woman walks down this street is when she is looking for good weed? We blast the "ghettos" for being full of drugs, but who is really keeping that business alive? Them, or the people who drive in from their "nice safe neighborhoods" to buy it and leave again?

The second, was how the same situation was being viewed two different ways. I am called snow white and feel danger, while the young man might have just been curious about why I was there in the first place. I am called sexy and inform the man that "I don't talk to people who call me that" and he informes ME that it was a compliment. Oh. So what I take as threatening, he takes as giving a compliment.

and then, God...showed me I have SO much to learn.

When processing the event, and finding out that the block has the highest crime in the whole neighborhood, I had to come to terms with my frustration over my own fear. My prayer up to this point had been to not be afraid. But then I was reminded that Jesus was so fearful that he sweat BLOOD. But courage trumped fear, and the greater purpose trumped courage. For courage alone would lead you to fight, but courage that leads to a greater prupose leads to peace and a calm resolve to walk through the cup God has set before you.

and then, God...showed me to pray for courage, greater purpose, and not a lack of fear.